Psychic abilites and getting shot.

Well today's been a real slow one. Nothing on the major sites and nothing on the smaller ones. I am actually looking for a real job but it does get frustrating. Sadly jobs are getting hard to come by and quite a few people are losing their jobs. The percentage is what, 10% of unemployment? Tis very sad.

Need an ARMED officer...NOW: Needed: Armed Security Officers, Reason: We get robbed quite often and are in need of an ARMED security guard, due to our last one getting shot. Please contact us after 9 A.M at xxx-xxxx.

$10 an hour right?

Licensed Psychic Reader: We are a new age store looking for a professional, licensed, and experienced psychic reader to join our spiritual team. Actually having psychic powers a plus! For inquiries please call.

Yeah... And how do you expect to be shown actual psychic powers ?

As mentioned today was very slow and I'm very tired. You don't like today's post? Well that's your problem:D Hopefully there will be better job listings tomorrow with even more stupidity.

Pedofile's, phone sex, and facial shaves.

As the days go on I'm seeing more and more "interesting" ads. I really don't know how people come up with some of these. The part that makes me laugh is that their usually real ads. Of course being in Las Vegas I have come to expect to see lots of sex ads but some of these are just hilariously funny.

Need a babysitter? "Hi! I am a 29 year old man who is currently unemployed. I am looking to babysit to make ends meet. I will provide your children with drinks and snakes. Plz call me at xxx-xxxx.

So this guy not only wants to be alone with my children but he wants to feed them snakes? No way Jose.

Looking for a face to shave. "I am writing a book on men's grooming and need a few men's faces to shave. I will ask you about your grooming regimen while I shave your face. You must be under 40 years of age and have smooth skin. Please reply with a facial pic."

"It rubs the lotion on its skin... or else it gets the hose again.."

Shining shoes: Attractive, outgoing ladies and gentlemen – make bank and have a blast. Meet people from around the world. Must know how to work on knees.

Well I knew I could earn big bucks by working on my knees but I didn't know I had to shine the shoes too.

Telephone actress needed IMMEDIATELY: Do you have a charming voice and a great personality but don't look good? You can earn great money working from home.

We need you now, we need you ugly, and we need you behind closed doors! So.. they need ugly agoraphobics?

Speak Finnish while shearing tattoo'd, masochistic, sheep (women need not apply)

Lately I've been wondering why I can't find a job anywhere. I've been looking for months and have sent countless resumes in, but have not had any luck. Instead of sticking my head in the oven, I've decided to have some fun with this. The following are jobs that for which I have no experience, but maybe someone out there does?

Speak Finnish? Then how bout this ad:
Seeking skilled receptionist for busy office. Must speak fluent Finnish. Call xxx-xxxx.

So your looking for someone in the southwest who speaks Finnish? I'm not saying its impossible but damn well close. Yeah good luck with that.

Looking for Masochist.. Okay I just had to open this one.
Seeking a masochistic engineer. Must know how to work with CGB machine.

Well I figure some engineers are masochists but what does that have to do with their job? I think they meant they needed a machinist. Either they can't spell or they did that on purpose.

Needed Experienced Sheep/llama Shearer:

Well I don't know about shaving animals, but I can shave my legs.

Want to work in a tattoo parlor? Need shop helper, Email your resume & a head shot if interested:

A head shot? Is that to make sure you look as pissed off as everyone else in the tattoo parlor?


Those were on my list of favorites of today's listings but I think this one takes the cake.

Need help setting up/taking down supplies: Must be able to lift weights of 50+ pounds. Women need not apply.

Seriously? Unless I'm lifting weights with my penis, I don't see how this matters. Plus, I'm pretty sure its illegal to discriminate by gender.