Speak Finnish while shearing tattoo'd, masochistic, sheep (women need not apply)

Lately I've been wondering why I can't find a job anywhere. I've been looking for months and have sent countless resumes in, but have not had any luck. Instead of sticking my head in the oven, I've decided to have some fun with this. The following are jobs that for which I have no experience, but maybe someone out there does?

Speak Finnish? Then how bout this ad:
Seeking skilled receptionist for busy office. Must speak fluent Finnish. Call xxx-xxxx.

So your looking for someone in the southwest who speaks Finnish? I'm not saying its impossible but damn well close. Yeah good luck with that.

Looking for Masochist.. Okay I just had to open this one.
Seeking a masochistic engineer. Must know how to work with CGB machine.

Well I figure some engineers are masochists but what does that have to do with their job? I think they meant they needed a machinist. Either they can't spell or they did that on purpose.

Needed Experienced Sheep/llama Shearer:

Well I don't know about shaving animals, but I can shave my legs.

Want to work in a tattoo parlor? Need shop helper, Email your resume & a head shot if interested:

A head shot? Is that to make sure you look as pissed off as everyone else in the tattoo parlor?


Those were on my list of favorites of today's listings but I think this one takes the cake.

Need help setting up/taking down supplies: Must be able to lift weights of 50+ pounds. Women need not apply.

Seriously? Unless I'm lifting weights with my penis, I don't see how this matters. Plus, I'm pretty sure its illegal to discriminate by gender.